The Unfortunate Tale of the Man with the Power to Attract Inept Heros
The door burst open and a gust of wind whipped past me. I looked up from my desk, rolling my eyes as he struck his pose, cape billowing behind him. He pulled a few more moves while looking around the room looking for me.
“Can you please pay for that?” I asked, looking at my broken door.
“I will not pay for anything, but you will pay for what you’ve done, villain!” he declared to the ceiling, pointing a stern finger at me.
I sighed and rubbed my temples, thinking of how to go about this situation.
“Ah, trying your mind powers on me, are you? I shall not fall for it like my predecessors!” he yelled, leaping across the room and crushing the desk in front of me. I looked down on it sadly. Most of my income went to replacing the things broken by these vandals.
“This is why I hate you guys,” I mumbled.
“The only thing I hate is evil!” he yelled, attempting to punch my stomach. His fist got caught on his cape and the force of his punch dislocated his shoulder. He cried out in pain, jumping back three feet from me.
“Fiend! You were playing me for a fool! You already slithered your way into my mind! Messed with my limbs!” he yelled, massaging his arm.
“No, I didn’t do anything to you, I just want you to get out,” I said, impatiently.
“You want justice to get out??” he cried, swelling with pride again.
“That’s not what I said, listen for God’s sake,” I groaned.
“Never! Once I get you out of my head, I’ll never have my limbs listen to you, and I’ll deal with you next!” he yelled, punching his face with full force.
“Woah, what are you doing?” I gasped, cringing as he continued to wail on his face.
“Get out of my head! I will be free! I will free the city!!” With each punch, he became more and more lethargic. He was knocking himself out. Finally, he hit himself so hard, he collapsed on the floor.
“You okay? You alive?” I asked, walking towards him, sighing. He was breathing, so that was good. I grabbed him under his arms and began pulling him to my mattress. Suddenly, my roof crashed through and I saw another person flying above us.
“You’ve defeated Justice Man?! I shall not be so easy,” she cried in defiance.
“Please just leave me alone.”