The Procrastinator
I phased through the front door of the bank. Sprawled out in front of me were about twenty hostages bounded by zip-ties at the arms and legs. They were lined up against the walls, away from any of the windows. I heard a few noises coming from the back over the whimpers and shivers of those in front of me.
“Look, everyone! It’s the Procrastinator!” cried a woman.
“I knew he would come!” called a little boy.
“Took you long enough!” yelled someone from the back. I didn’t care to check who it was.
The noises in the back stopped, clearly alerted to my presence. That really sucked because now it would be harder to stop them. I made my way to the back of the bank when someone moved their bound legs in front of me. It was a young woman, her eyes a deep red from hysterics she must have been experiencing earlier.
“Aren’t you going to free us?” she hissed.
“I dunno, sure, I guess,” I mumbled. She looked at me expectantly as I started to materialize an object.
“Here,” I tossed a sharp knife by her.
“What is this?” she asked.
“A knife.”
“I know it’s a knife, what’s it for?”
I rolled my eyes.
“To free you. Put it in your teeth or something and cut free.”
“What!?” She was trying really hard to whisper now.
“Just, I dunno,” I muttered, leaving her with her mouth gaping. I didn’t know what was so hard about cutting herself free. I even gave her a knife. What a lazy person.
I heard clambering in the back now, the robbers sounded like they were going out through the back door. I sighed and dragged my feet to go out after them.
I saw the three of them in the back, trying to jump over the brick wall in the parking lot. I sighed for a moment and then yelled,
“Freeze!” It was pretty half-hearted and the robbers only gave me a confused look before getting back to climbing over. The first of them was at the top of the wall and grabbed a bag.
“No. No, don’t do that,” I sighed again and waved my hand, obliterating the wall in front of me and causing the man on top to collapse unconscious. One of the remaining two launched his hands in the air and fell to his knees sputtering some apology while the other ran through where the wall used to be.
I closed my eyes for a moment.
This will be over soon. You’re almost done. Just do this last thing and you can go home.
I opened them again and started walking. I stopped a moment in front of the man who had surrendered.
“Thank you for not running.” He managed to make some noises of acknowledgment as I materialized handcuffs over his and his unconscious partner’s hands.
“Stay here for the police, please,” I asked, hoping I wouldn’t have to go after this guy again. He nodded rapidly and started apologizing again as I walked down the alley I had opened up.
“Hey!” I called, but it sounded too whiny. My thoughts were getting the best of me. I don’t want to be here.
“Hey!!” That was a lot better, but I didn’t get a response. It didn’t matter because I could hear his breathing. He was hunched inside a closed trash can to my left.
“Fine, whatever, have it your way,” I clamped my hand down on the lid and sealed it shut. He started screaming for me not to crush him, but I had already stopped squeezing. He wouldn’t be getting out before the cops came here.
Oh, right, the cops.
I ran back out to the front and opened the door for them.
“Procrastinator! Thank God you were here! Where are the suspects?” Chief Clyde asked.
“In the back,” I muttered.
“Where in the back, Procrastinator?”
“I dunno, they’re behind the bank somewhere.”
“Did you pay attention to where you left them?”
“Yeah, in the back.”
He eyed me warily.
“Samuel! Richards! Get to the parking lot and apprehend the men responsible for this!” He turned back to me. “Did you treat the hostages nicely this time?”
“Oh my God! Yes! Okay! I freed them!” I whipped my hair, annoyed by this stupid interrogation.
“I just want to make sure everyone’s safe this time.”
“Yeah, can I go now? I have… other things to do, okay?”
“You may leave. Thank you for your help today.”
“Yeah, you’re welcome.”
He wasn’t really welcome to my help, but I knew he’d ask for it again.