Meeting the Lord of the Underworld
“Yeah, my coworkers aren’t the best either,” I agreed, “sometimes they get in my business a lot more than should be considered professional.”
“Right?” the old man exclaimed. Behind his cold, dark, terrorizing eyes, I saw a hint of passion. His hat even seemed to flicker a little bit, almost like a candle on his head. We really weren’t all that different. He was all over the place when he spoke like he was telling three different stories at once.
“Just the other day,” he continued, “my coworker, who is also my brother — not the other brother way above me, but a sailor — he came to check out my animals at work and he spent way too much time playing with my dog. He neglected one of his heads, too, which left him in a mood all day after that.”
“Oh, I thought you said you worked as a judge? Do they allow animals? Or was this at home?”
“Yes,” he answered, plainly.
Okayy…
“I have some family problems, too. My dad had a really weird relationship with me all the time. Like, sometimes he’d call and say he wanted to have dinner, but he canceled on me last minute. This happened for like three years.”
“I could say the exact same thing about my dad. Especially the ‘all the time’ part. And the ‘having me over for dinner.’ But not the canceling on me…” he looked outside thoughtfully. “I wonder how my dad is now. Where’s yours?”
“Oh, he passed away about a year ago. I never did get to have dinner with him. I wasn’t too bummed, though, since he never really had a place in my life. But it does make me feel weird when I think about missing such a huge part of my family. Or what should be huge…” I trailed off as I realized that he wasn’t listening to me. I didn’t mind much. I liked seeing the fire in his eyes grow as he spoke to me.
“He’s probably in Asphodel Meadows,” he said, thoughtfully. He must have still been speaking about his dad.
“So, uh, how did you end up here?”
“Persephone was being pretty annoying. I decided I needed to come up for air a bit before Spring came around. Normally I like having her around, so it was weird to be so off-put by her. I got really mad. Might have made the wrong judgment on a handful of couples as a result. And, I like the coffee.”
His stories suddenly started sounding familiar. I remembered something about Persephone. Yeah, it was all starting to come back to me. I hadn’t taken any of these classes in years, but I made one more check, to be certain.
“It’s getting pretty dark out. Are you gonna need a ride home?” I asked.
He smiled to himself.
“Funny, I was going to ask you the same. I do pretty well in the dark. Plus, it’s literally impossible for you to give me a ride home.” Locking eyes with him, my theory had to be right. I could see the recognition in his eyes, too. He knew I knew. I couldn’t hold back my excitement.
“You’re — “ I was squealing, “you’re Pluto, aren’t you!”
What little light was left in the sky was immediately snuffed out, then the lights in the shop went out as well. I was enveloped in impossibly cold darkness. My bones began chattering against one another in both pain and fear.
“WHAT!?” he demanded. “HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY CONFUSE ME FOR THAT — ARE YOU SERIOUS — NOW I REMEMBER WHY I LIKE THE UNDERWORLD MUCH MORE THAN THE HUMAN WORLD!!!” The darkness vanished before me as I was entered into a new domain. One of massive expanse in every direction. People milling in fields, rivers of all sorts of color flowing in all directions, some guy pushing a rock up a mountain; the works. I looked up to see the old man on a throne before me, a helm on his left and a woman seated to his right.
“Did… did I upset you in some way?” I managed to croak out.
“Hades, did you bring another one of the living who offended you?” the woman asked, already bored.
“No, my dearest,” Hades snarled, “I brought back a dead man who offended me.”