Kickstarter to Kill
It started as a joke. At least it was definitely supposed to be a joke. FundAKill.com sounded like a joke to all of us. But as they say, it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
It was sick, really. Started with someone who didn’t deserve it. Rebecca Black, owner of the most disliked YouTube video at the time was the first person on that list. The price was set to $500,000. After the page went viral, it was completed within the week. Sure enough, Black was killed on her way to an interview that day. A Friday. Sick coincidence if you ask me.
But that was just the start. Soon, there were outcries for it to be “removed from the internet.” However, because there was no proof that the site was the direct reason for her death, it remained.
Justin Beiber hit the top-funded the next day. $1,000,000. I was actually a fan of the kid, was sorry to see him go so early in his life. Fund-a-kill became the executioner, listening to Judge Crowdfund.
The thing was, the Funders had no remorse for their actions. Sometimes, they had an understandable candidate in mind, like Joseph Kony after the Kony 2012 video. But most of these people should have never been on the list to begin with.
Every past president of almost every country was killed for their “crimes against humanity” and the next president probably only has until he gets out of office to live. A few athletes were killed for their personal misdemeanors such as being drunk in public or racist comments on Twitter.
All of this left people wanting to stay out of the public eye. Do enough to make Funders angry and you could be the next one on the list.
The camel-braking straw was Johnny Scogs. Scogs had never been heard of. In fact, he was just an elementary kid who pushed down another kid accidentally on the way home. Somehow, he had shown up as that day’s fund for an unprecedented $10,000,000. It was a test. Would the Funders be crazy enough to go through with the killing of a child? You bet. So long as the trigger finger wasn’t theirs, they were capable of anything. Scogs’ body was found in his locked room with his wailing mother who had been there with him and seen nothing out of the ordinary before his death.
Ever since Scogs, the site went live with an “enter name here” option in which you would add a name and it would give you a price for their head.
Why do I care to tell you about this? My name’s on there right now, reaching its measly $10,000 goal. I’m a little bitter that I go for $10,000, but Fund-a-kill gets to choose my worth, not me. I guess I just wanted someone to understand my plight before my hit — looks like I’m done for.
Don’t worry about me. I’m only worth $10k, remember? I probably won’t even get an obituary. Just wish I had said sorry for calling Samantha’s cat fat. Really sucks that any infraction is enough to get erased these days.
I appreciate you for reading this. I may no longer be alive, but at least I got to leave some kind of legacy, right?