“Hey, no pressure, but I’m going to need you to throw my corpse into a volcano.”
“Your corpse?” I asked.
“Yeah, like, my dead body,” he shrugged.
“So, like when you die, you want to be cremated in a volcano?”
“Cremated? What? No, I want you to scoop me up and toss me right into a volcano,” he explained, much like a teacher would a homework assignment.
“Why tell me? Just write it in your will or something. Your kids will probably do it for you.”
“Will? Kids?? Where do you think we are?”
I remembered the plane we were standing in. And the fact that it was crashing. And I was wearing the only parachute.
“Oh, right, sorry.”
“So, I’m gonna jump. I don’t want my body burning in a fiery explosion. I want it’s splattered remains to burn in a fiery volcano, got it?” he spoke slowly.
“Splattered remains?” I asked.
“Can I just have the parachute?”
“No way, man. I don’t want to die!”
“I know! Then listen to me! Are you listening?”
“This plane is crashing!” he started. I looked around. Yep, plane definitely going down.
“We are gonna jump at the same time,” he continued. My eyebrows knit together for a second, then I remembered what he was talking about.
“Uh-huh,” I responded.
“I am going to die on the pavement below.”
I stared, scratching my head.
“Pavement?” I asked.
“The ground! THE FLOOR!!”
“Oh, right, right.”
“Then, you take me to a volcano. Got it?”
“Sure thing, got it.”
He nodded, gripped my arm, and we jumped together. As we fell, he looked at me wide-eyed.
“Where’s the parachute???”
“What? Parachute? That definitely wasn’t part of the plan you just laid out.”
His eyes glazed over as if he had come to some sort of realization. I would have asked him about it, but he drifted away from me as we fell. That was pretty mean of him. I decided I wouldn’t toss him in the volcano after all.